Is Feeling Down a Bad Thing?

Content warning: This essay mentions suicide.

"I just want to die."

When I was in elementary school, my father would often mutter these words while lying on the sofa.

It was like a catchphrase for him. Today, he's healthy and doing well, but back then, he said it almost every day. It was so normal to me at the time that I didn’t think much of it.

Still, when I look back now, I realize how unusual it was for a grown man to mutter such words in front of his seven-year-old child while drifting off to sleep on the couch.

At the time, my father had a reputation in his industry for being a frightening figure. Even at home, if I did something unreasonable or wrong, he would be extremely strict. He had countless tales of bravery to his name. Yet, he was also incredibly sensitive and kind-hearted—someone who couldn’t leave a struggling person alone.

But he never showed that side of himself in public. I’m sure there were plenty of people who didn’t think well of him.

The same father who was known as this stern, intimidating figure in his industry would come home and quietly repeat, "I want to die," as he lay on the couch. Who would have imagined that?

Everyone has a side they show to the world and a side they keep inside.

That’s completely natural.

Even so, recently, a friend of mine felt overwhelmed with guilt after taking a few days off work to rest in bed.

She said, "Everyone else is working hard, but I can't even manage this."

I wanted to tell her, "It's okay to rest when you're tired. You can take your time and come back when you're ready," but I couldn’t say it easily—it felt too heavy to throw out casually.

Still, I thought, "You're feeling so drained that you can't even see how normal it is to need a break."

Is it really such a bad thing to show others when we’re feeling down or struggling?

Is it really so shameful to reach a point where you can’t push yourself anymore and need to rest?

It feels like the atmosphere around these issues is slowly starting to change.

Talking about mental health seems more natural than it used to be.

But still, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable with how society continues to treat showing vulnerability as something to be ashamed of.

In fact, studies show that while the prevalence of depression in Western countries is around 20–30%, it's only about 10% in Japan.

Yet, Japan has one of the highest suicide rates among developed countries.

One reason for this could be that, despite lower rates of diagnosed mental illness, the barrier to seeking help when you’re struggling is extremely high.

From mild anxiety and adjustment disorders to severe depression, people hesitate to seek medical support when they feel “tired” or “overwhelmed.”

Why is it that physical illnesses are treated seriously, but mental health struggles are mocked with words like “menhera” (a slang term for someone with mental health issues)?

Growing up, I saw my friends, my father, and even my grandmother—who went through long-term treatment during menopause—struggle with mental health. I also experienced the suicide of an old friend.

After seeing so much, I honestly don’t understand anymore why we’re supposed to keep hiding our mental struggles, or who made it so hard to talk about them in the first place.

When I lived abroad, I remembered how common it was for people to go to therapy or coaching sessions every two weeks.

In the Western countries where I stayed, there seemed to be far less stigma around mental health.

People knew how to take care of themselves mentally, and going to counseling was as normal as getting a haircut.

In contrast, in Japan, only about 6% of people have ever used psychological counseling, compared to 52% in Western countries.

There’s still a strong feeling here that therapy isn’t something you can easily turn to.

I once knew a super stylish, cool woman who took great care of me when I was abroad.

She would casually say, "I have a therapy appointment in the morning, so let’s hang out in the afternoon."

That natural way of talking about it left a big impression on me.

I also enjoy watching YouTube videos by girls overseas, and even there, it feels so natural to see and hear them mention therapy or self-care.

It’s cool, it’s stylish, and it's just part of everyday life.

Influenced by that, even when I'm not feeling particularly troubled, I occasionally go to therapy sessions to step back and look at myself from a different angle or organize my thoughts.

Personally, I find it refreshing—it clears my mind so much.

Still, mental health isn’t something you can talk about with just anyone.

The best thing about starting therapy has been having a safe space where I can take my time opening up about what’s inside me.

A few years ago, I went through a really tough period when many things piled up all at once.

One day, I found out a friend of mine had taken their own life.

It felt like a tightly stretched string inside me just snapped.

I couldn’t do the things that used to feel normal.

It was the first time I had ever experienced anything like that.

My body changed—my bra size dropped three cups, my period stopped, and I spent day after day crying.

Seeing me like that, my mom found a hospital for me.

It was my first time ever visiting a mental health clinic.

I had always wanted to be the cheerful, upbeat version of myself.

I felt so ashamed and broken for losing control of my own mind.

I thought, "I never want anyone to know I came to a place like this."

So, when you’re truly hurting, there are times when you just can’t talk about it.

There are sides of yourself you don't want to show.

In life, everyone has different seasons—times when everything goes smoothly, when things are fun, when you can work hard.

And times when it’s not like that.

It’s okay not to force yourself to talk about what you don’t want to say.

It’s okay to have a period where you don't do things you don’t want to do.

I just hope that one day, the word “menhera” can lose its stigma—not be used as an insult, but simply be seen as something natural.

If that happens, maybe the air around people struggling with mental health will feel just a little lighter.

❤️

Thank you for reading.

Writer @hmwr3112