The Violence Hidden in "Cute" and "Cool"

Ever since I was little, I’ve been shy around people. Even when the neighborhood ladies spoke to me, I would hide behind my mother or grandmother.

This tendency was only made worse by my condition—mandibular deformity. It’s an oral disorder where the jaw grows too much or too little, leading to a misaligned bite.

The most frustrating part? It changes how your face looks.

In my case, my lower jaw jutted forward. When I was in middle and high school, that made me an easy target for bullying. I was never the outgoing type to begin with, but after that, I withdrew even more. People would glance at me and whisper behind my back, laughing.

During my first year of university, I underwent a major surgery to cut and reposition my jaw, finally bringing my bite into alignment.

Afterward, a lot of things changed for the better. I gained a confidence I had never known before. I even got a job at a clothing store from one of my favorite brands—something I would’ve never dared to do before.

The insecurity is fading, but it’s not gone. I spent most of my life with that old face, carrying the weight of those years. The scars, both visible and invisible, remain. I’ve become more sensitive to how people look at others and how they experience pain.

This world is full of unquestioned norms.

What defines a beautiful face? Big eyes? A certain body type? Who decided all these standards in the first place?

Because my face didn’t fit the “norm,” I became acutely aware of how deeply lookism is embedded in society—and in every individual.

Even casual compliments like “You’re so cute” or “You look cool” carry an invisible violence. If we force ourselves to fit into someone else’s ideal, if we internalize those standards and blame ourselves for not meeting them—then we shouldn’t have to do it at all. Not me, not the person I used to be, and not anyone struggling with it now.

For a first essay, this might have been a heavy topic.

But I’ll keep writing.

Because I want a world where no one has to feel invalidated.

And if this space can be a safety zone for even one person, that would mean everything to me.

Text Haruki

@__harukiii_